Little Cotton Socks
by Exploded Pen
Summary: Bless their little cotton socks! Malcolm and Trip find the world has gotten a whole lot bigger! But is their a more sinister plot behind their...regression?rnTHANK THE LORD! IT'S COMPLETED!
1. Mini Me

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~ Well I've started off two new stories but I'm not going to continue them until Sometimes I stare and A Simple Cold are finished they're just tasters for the story to come alright? This is based on a saying which I use quite a lot I may have used it in reviews I've left for people: Bless their little cotton socks! This story is written purely to satisfy my own amusement!~*~  
  
"Captain, the shuttle's just appeared on sensors." said Travis.  
  
"Hoshi try an open a channel." ordered Archer.  
  
He waited a moment while Hoshi tapped away at her console.  
  
"Got them sir, audio only." She said moments later.  
  
"Trip, Malcolm, you had us worried-are you alright?" asked Archer  
  
The voice that answered was a clipped British accent but sounded unlike Malcolm's normal voice.  
  
"In a way you could say that. We've encountered a slight problem."  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"I'm not tall enough to reach some of the controls."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"We were knocked out by a shot, when I came round I found out that myself and Commander Tucker were no longer......adult."  
  
"Care to elaborate Malcolm?"  
  
"I'm four years old sir."  
  
"Malcolm this is no time to be joking."  
  
"I wish I were sir, this is very embarrassing."  
  
"We'll pick you up-is Trip alright?"  
  
"He's unconscious."  
  
"How old is he?"  
  
"He looks about six sir."  
  
"How come he's older?"  
  
"He's older than me anyway sir." Hoshi cut the communication.  
  
"Have Phlox meet them in the shuttlebay once we've picked them up," Archer ordered.  
  
"Can it be possible sir?" Hoshi asked. "Surely he can't be telling the truth."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Shuttlebay~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Archer waited with anticipation as the shuttle pod door opened.  
  
"Don't say a word Jon." said Trip scowling.  
  
A small boy with scruffy blonde hair and blue eyes climbed out closely followed by a smaller boy with brown hair and blue eyes. Both had identical expressions of embarrassment on their faces.  
  
"Trip? Malcolm? Is that you?" Archer asked, trying not to grin. "What happened?"  
  
"That's what I'd like to know!" Malcolm exploded.  
  
"Lets get you to Sickbay," said Phlox. "I can find out more there."  
  
One of the Medical technicians made as if to pick Malcolm up.  
  
"You pick me up and I swear I will stick the nearest sharp pointy object up your arse!" Malcolm hissed.  
  
He backed off.  
  
"Come on," said Phlox smiling.  
  
Malcolm's cheeks were crimson as he walked to sickbay passing various crewmembers on the way.  
  
"Oh bless their little cotton socks, aren't they cute! Look they even have mini uniforms how adorable!" he heard one crewwoman coo.  
  
"Bloody brilliant, Chief Armoury Officer is 'cute' and 'adorable'," he muttered.  
  
He exchanged glances with Trip.  
  
"It's alright for you," Malcolm murmured, "You're two years older than me."  
  
Trip grinned.  
  
"I wouldn't worry, you make a cute kid." Trip teased.  
  
Malcolm went even redder and kept his head down.  
  
Once in Sickbay he allowed himself to be lifted up onto a biobed and didn't say a word while Phlox performed tests.  
  
"What exactly do you remember?" Archer asked hopefully.  
  
"Everything was going fine, then this ship turned up, fired one shot knocked us both out. When Ah woke up an' saw Malcolm Ah knew somethin' was wrong." Trip replied.  
  
"How do you feel?" asked Archer curiously.  
  
"Smaller." Malcolm and Trip replied in unison.  
  
* * *  
  
"Captain, they are Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker but as to how they got this way I don't know," Phlox informed Archer "I'll need to run some more tests."  
  
Archer nodded.  
  
"Ensign Sato offered to bring them food" Phlox continued. "But other than that I would prefer if they weren't to have visitors until I know the cause for this.......regression."  
  
~*~Heh heh heh, well ya know what to do! Read and review!~*~ 


	2. The Battle of Mash Potato!

~*~Disclaimer-me no own~*~ Bloody hell! 16 reviews for one chapter! Me thinks story idea very popular! So just to be nice I decided to add an extra chapter before I said I would seeing as how I put up another chapter of Sometimes I Stare and A Simple Cold. It has nothing to do with me not having the will power to resist writing this.....honestly......or at least I'm sure it doesn't! ~*~  
  
Malcolm stared mutinously at the pile of mash potatoes on his tray. He'd been sat there mulling over his situation then when he looked up he found he'd made a 2d mash potato sculpture.  
  
He couldn't help but for a fleeting moment think of loading up his spoon and catapulting it at Trip.  
  
He was brought out of his thoughts by a shower of peas raining down on him.  
  
"Hey!" He cried indignantly, "What was that for?!"  
  
Trip grinned and said something which Malcolm couldn't quite make out because he had his mouth full.  
  
Malcolm waited a moment before pinging potato back at him.  
  
"Food fight!" Trip exclaimed, laughing.  
  
Within seconds the air was thick with potato, peas, broccoli, sausage etc, etc.  
  
Malcolm stopped firing, spoon poised in the air as sickbay doors opened. Something big and meaty sent him flying backwards toppling off the biobed.  
  
"Are ya alright Mal?" Trip asked worriedly.  
  
"Yes," came the wobbly reply.  
  
"What's going on in here?!" Archer exclaimed, not quite deciding whether to be angry or amused.  
  
"He started it!" Malcolm piped up from the floor wiping his eyes quickly as he got to his feet.  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!"  
  
"I don't care who started it I'm finishing it!" Archer told them sternly.  
  
Archer didn't have the heart to punish them, the way they were looking at him, with sheepish expressions and big puppy dog eyes.  
  
"Where's Doctor Phlox?" Archer asked finally.  
  
Trip waved his arm vaguely in one direction.  
  
Malcolm glared at him as Archer went in search of Phlox.  
  
"What?!" Trip exclaimed looking guilty.  
  
"You got me into trouble," Malcolm scowled.  
  
He reached up to the biobed and with some difficulty managed to climb back onto it.  
  
"Did ya hurt yourself?" Trip asked.  
  
"I scraped my knee," said Malcolm, "And it really hurts."  
  
Trip looked at him strangely.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"How are we supposed to see how they react to their younglings, if the subjects still have their full memory!" Fayla snapped, drumming her hand impatiently against the console.  
  
"Don't worry! I'll just use the device to adjust their memories." Jac'tir assured her.  
  
"Are you positive their physician won't locate it?" Fayla asked worriedly.  
  
"Yes, even if he does, he won't be able to remove it without killing them- only I have the means and the knowledge to remove it." Jac'tir replied.  
  
"Reduce the youngest' memory to 1572 days and the older one to 2302 days," Fayla instructed. "Are you sure this won't harm them permanently?"  
  
"Yes! I told you! All the effects are reversible! This is only a reconnaissance mission." Jac'tir snapped tapping away on a small emerald green box.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trip cleaned up some of the mess while Malcolm slept. He had noticed something was up but couldn't quite place his finger on it. Malcolm had said something about his knee then had fallen asleep almost straight away.  
  
Trip yawned and looked around at what remained of their dinner.  
  
"Who cares?" He mumbled sleepily, "I'm a kid-I have an excuse."  
  
He slipped to the ground and was instantly asleep.  
  
* * *  
  
Doctor Phlox and Archer watched as Malcolm stirred and opened his eyes. He leapt up in fear and pressed himself against the wall.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked trembling, "Where am I? Where's my mum?"  
  
"Malcolm, you're on Enterprise," Archer told him exchanging worried glances with Phlox.  
  
"Enterprise?" Malcolm asked slowly, sliding into a sitting position.  
  
"Don't you remember?" Archer asked worriedly.  
  
Malcolm shook his head.  
  
"Do you know what the year is Malcolm?" Doctor Phlox asked, studying his face intently.  
  
"Where's my mum?" Malcolm asked in a small voice.  
  
~*~Heh heh heh, cute-gotta love little kids. Anyway if you want more read and review-please feel free to point out any mistakes bits you don't like it's all helpful!~*~ 


	3. An armourers mind

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~Wow! So many reviews! So happy! Um yeah, next chapter now! Yay!!~*~  
  
Jac'tir jabbed the small emerald box furiously.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Fayla anxiously.  
  
"It's not working," he said, "The older one's memories will not be restrained."  
  
"Has the smaller one had its memories restrained?" Fayla asked.  
  
Jac'tir nodded.  
  
"Will it harm the older one with the device malfunctioning?" Fayla asked worriedly, "Will we need to terminate that experiment?"  
  
Jac'tir shook his head.  
  
"Both experiments will go ahead," he announced. "You shouldn't give up so easily."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sickbay ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Malcolm hugged his knees to his chest and watched as they roused the other boy.  
  
"Go away, sleepin'," Trip mumbled.  
  
"Do you know where you are?" asked Archer hopefully.  
  
"I'm on Enterprise," said Trip blearily sitting up, "Why what's wrong?"  
  
"Malcolm's condition has deteriorated," Phlox informed him. "He's lost all memory of the past twenty-two years; he thinks he's four years old."  
  
Trip sat up straight and looked at Malcolm.  
  
"Trip, help him. He's probably scared," Archer implored. "Little kids are less intimidating to little kids."  
  
Trip nodded.  
  
"I'm hungry," he announced. "Are ya hungry Malcolm?"  
  
Malcolm looked at him and nodded his head slightly.  
  
"I don't know if that's wise, last time you ate most of it was spread throughout my sickbay," said Phlox smiling.  
  
"That wasn't my fault!" Trip protested, trying-and failing-to look innocent.  
  
Malcolm became bored with the conversation and looked away. He felt disorientated, one minute he finishing his first day of school the next he's waking up in a strange room full of strange people.  
  
"I'm Trip," said a voice pulling him out of his thoughts. "What's ya name?"  
  
"I'm Malcolm," he said quietly.  
  
Trip nodded.  
  
"Ya ok?" he asked smiling.  
  
Malcolm nodded.  
  
"Where are we?" he whispered.  
  
"What's the last thing ya remember?" Trip asked, neatly dodging the question.  
  
"I was coming out of school," Malcolm told him.  
  
"Wait, you were at school?" Trip asked looking incredulous.  
  
((A/N Before anybody complains, I was four when I started school and so was everyone else I know!))  
  
Malcolm fell silent again.  
  
Sickbay doors opened, Hoshi came in.  
  
"Who's that?" Malcolm asked. "She's pretty."  
  
"That's Ensign Hoshi Sato," Trip told him.  
  
Trip didn't know what to think really, the horrible realisation that he may end up like Malcolm wasn't appealing. It was odd seeing his friend....so young and so.......helpless in a way. Still, on the funny side-if they ever returned to their normal state he could tease him about it.  
  
"Can I help you Ensign?" Phlox's cheery tones rang out.  
  
"I was looking for the Captain," said Hoshi, casting an eye over the two boys on the biobed.  
  
"He left for the Mess Hall a moment ago," Phlox informed her.  
  
Malcolm slid down off the biobed, Trip followed him.  
  
"What're ya doing?" he hissed.  
  
"I need the loo!" Malcolm snapped.  
  
"Oh, over there," said Trip pointing.  
  
Malcolm toddled off.  
  
Trip climbed back up onto the biobed, he was bored-very bored.  
  
He was just drifting off to sleep again when Phlox asked:  
  
"Where's Malcolm?"  
  
"He went to the toilet," Trip mumbled.  
  
"He's not in the toilet," said Phlox, worriedly.  
  
"He's gone?" Trip asked, fully awake again.  
  
~*~Had a vision of mini Malcolm running loose around the ship, maybe I should make Trip a full kid-what d'ya reckon? It's still possible something might happen.~*~ 


	4. Sleepy Malcolm, kiddie Trip

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many reviews! You guys are fantastic!!!!! Sorry it's taken so long to get round to updating, so much stuff going on and so much homework! I mean I nearly had a cardiac arrest when my media studies teacher gave me a 1000 word essay and ten questions to do for Monday. On Sunny D of all things! ~*~  
  
Hoshi heard a clunk coming from inside the armoury as she passed the doors. Curious she poked her head through the door, there was a crewman doing something on a console in the corner, all seemed peaceful. A flash of blue caught her eye however. She peered into the corner and saw someone curled up in a ball fast asleep.  
  
"Can I help you?" the crewman asked turning round.  
  
"How long has he been in here?" Hoshi asked.  
  
"Who?" asked the crewman looking confused. "I'm in here on my own."  
  
To prove her point Hoshi walked to the corner and gently picked the sleeping boy up in her arms. He stirred and snuggled into her shoulder.  
  
"How did he get in here?" the crewman asked amazed. "I didn't hear anyone come in!"  
  
"It's ok, I'll take him back," Hoshi assured him, seeing how embarrassed the crewman looked.  
  
The crewman nodded and watched them leave.  
  
Hoshi looked down at Malcolm's sleeping form.  
  
"Aww, he looks so cute," she breathed walking into the turbo-lift. "Phlox must be out of his mind letting him wander off like that."  
  
She shifted his weight in her arms slightly; Malcolm stirred again and brought his arm up round her neck resting partly on his arm, partly on her shoulder. Hoshi smiled.  
  
She carried him into sickbay and almost bumped into Phlox.  
  
"Where did you find him?" asked Phlox looking relieved.  
  
"In the armoury, I only saw him because I heard a noise come from inside. Otherwise I wouldn't have noticed him." Hoshi replied, handing Malcolm over to Phlox.  
  
"Trust him to find the armoury," Phlox muttered darkly.  
  
Hoshi grinned.  
  
"He looks kinda cute when he's asleep," she said absentmindedly. "Heavy though, it like the moment he falls asleep he goes limp."  
  
"Thanks for bringing him back Hoshi," said Phlox warmly, laying Malcolm down on the biobed.  
  
Malcolm immediately curled back up into a ball again and sighed in his sleep.  
  
"Are they ok?" asked Hoshi, catching sight of Trip asleep as well.  
  
"They're healthy for human children, but from the point of view that they were adults this morning it's not so good, I'll need to run more tests." Phlox told her. "Thank you again for bringing him back."  
  
Hoshi nodded, taking this as her cue to leave.  
  
Phlox savoured the silence for a moment then went back to his data.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Ha! It's working!" Jac'tir announced triumphantly.  
  
"What is?" Fayla asked yawning. "C'mon we should rest now, there's nothing we can do while the children are asleep."  
  
"I managed to repress the older subjects........."Jac'tir began.  
  
"Child's," Fayla corrected.  
  
"What?" Jac'tir asked, looking slightly bemused.  
  
"They're children not subjects," she informed him.  
  
Jac'tir rolled his eyes.  
  
"Fine. I managed to repress the older child's memory."  
  
"Good,"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Who're ya?" a voice asked breaking Malcolm's peaceful slumber.  
  
Malcolm jerked awake only to find himself staring into a pair of bright blue eyes.  
  
"Malcolm," he replied politely.  
  
"I'm Charlie," the boy announced.  
  
Malcolm sat up and watched him.  
  
"We met yesterday," Malcolm told him.  
  
"I don't remember seeing ya, where are we anyway?" Trip asked frowning.  
  
"I dunno, there's a few grown-ups wanderin' 'bout." Malcolm replied shrugging, he rubbed his eyes and yawned.  
  
"You talk funny," Trip announced.  
  
"Do not!" Malcolm protested, fighting back another yawn.  
  
"You do, kinda posh," said Trip.  
  
"I don't speak posh!" Malcolm cried indignantly. "Jus' 'cause you can't talk proper doesn't mean you can have a go at me!"  
  
"There ain't nothin' wrong with the way I talk!" Trip exclaimed.  
  
"What's going on here?" Phlox asked, his eyes widening.  
  
"He says I talk funny!" a sleepy looking Malcolm told him.  
  
"Ya do!"  
  
"No I don't!"  
  
"Stop fighting!" Phlox exclaimed.  
  
They both scowled.  
  
"You shouldn't pick on him he's only little," Phlox told Trip sternly, suddenly realising what had happened to Malcolm had now happened to Trip.  
  
"I'm not little!"  
  
"Ya are!"  
  
"I'm four years old!"  
  
"Well I'm six!"  
  
Trip stuck his tongue out.  
  
"Stop fighting!" Phlox ordered.  
  
Malcolm yawned again and gave Trip a dirty look.  
  
"Why don't you go back to sleep Malcolm?" Phlox suggested.  
  
"'m not sleepy," Malcolm mumbled.  
  
Phlox gently pushed him back down into a laying position. Malcolm automatically curled up into a ball and closed his eyes.  
  
"Don't you dare wake him up!" Phlox warned Trip whose eyes were twinkling mischievously. "Now lie down and go back to sleep!"  
  
Trip obeyed and soon sickbay was quiet once more.  
  
~*~Please review! It's always helpful! Next chapter I'm thinking tantrums and danger and creepy aliens-sound good?~*~ 


	5. Why green veggies are bad for you

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~ I can't believe I've had so many reviews!!!!! Well this chapter involves kiddie logic v T'Pol, I kinda got the idea from my own head and from the people who suggested it!~*~  
  
T'Pol walked into sickbay.  
  
"Doctor, I have the data you requested," she announced.  
  
"Shush! Keep your voice down, I don't want to wake them," Phlox whispered.  
  
"Are they causing problems?" T'Pol asked raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Not as such," Phlox replied. "But here take a look at this, its Lt Reed's test results."  
  
T'Pol walked forward and stared at the data.  
  
"Look, see that shadow there? It's not supposed to be there." said Phlox quietly, pointing to a spot on the screen. "I need to run some more tests, but see here, Commander Tucker has the same shadow, I think whatever happened to them was purposely done."  
  
T'Pol turned to look at the two sleeping children.  
  
"There is no logic in turning two human adults into children," she said decisively.  
  
"I know," Phlox sighed, then he smiled. "But it has been an enjoyable challenge watching them, human children are fascinating."  
  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh Sub-commander while you're here, could you watch them for a while, I have to leave to visit Crewman Garner," said Phlox. "They're asleep, they won't be much trouble."  
  
"Certainly Doctor" said T'Pol finally, "However I cannot stay for long, I am due to have dinner with the Captain at 1900."  
  
"Of course, thank you." said Phlox smiling.  
  
T'Pol sat down and began checking the data on the pads.  
  
A loud screech came from the menagerie and both boys woke with a start.  
  
"It was just an animal, go back to sleep," said T'Pol.  
  
Trip yawned and rubbed sleep from his eyes.  
  
"Nah, not sleepy-are you Mal?" he asked.  
  
"Nope," Malcolm lied, sitting up.  
  
"Who're you?" asked Trip, staring at T'Pol.  
  
"I am Sub-Commander T'Pol," she replied.  
  
"I'm Charlie and this is Mal," Trip announced grinning.  
  
"Malcolm Reed," Malcolm corrected. "My name ain't Mal."  
  
"I know that! It's a nickname," Trip told him.  
  
"I need a wee," Malcolm announced.  
  
"The toilet is through that door," said T'Pol.  
  
Malcolm looked down at the floor.  
  
"Ya need to lift him down-he's too little," Trip told her.  
  
"I can do it!" said Malcolm defensively. He slid off and landed on his feet. "See?!"  
  
He returned moments later.  
  
"Did you wash your hands?" T'Pol asked.  
  
"Yup,"  
  
"Did you flush the toilet?"  
  
"Oops,"  
  
"Leave it! I need ta go!" Trip announced.  
  
Malcolm peered at the pad in T'Pol's hands.  
  
"What're ya doing?"  
  
"Calculating the exact alignment of the science scanners,"  
  
"Oh.......why?"  
  
"They are out of alignment and I need to know why,"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because they will not give exact results if they aren't working properly,"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It is illogical to keep asking questions when you do not understand the answer,"  
  
"Why?"  
  
T'Pol looked at his innocent face.  
  
"Stop asking questions,"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you are being very trying,"  
  
"Why?"  
  
((a/n the age old 'why?' argument, gotta hate it!))  
  
"You keep repeating the same question,"  
  
"Oh sorry,"  
  
"Never mind,"  
  
Trip wandered out the toilet grinning.  
  
"What're ya doing?" he asked, staring at the pad.  
  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow.  
  
"You wouldn't understand," she replied.  
  
"She said the same thing to me," said Malcolm sympathetically.  
  
The comm beeped.  
  
"Archer to T'Pol"  
  
T'Pol surveyed the two children in front of her.  
  
"Yes Captain,"  
  
"Dinner's been moved forward a bit, is that alright?"  
  
"It depends; I am currently watching Lt Reed and Commander Tucker."  
  
"Where's Phlox?"  
  
"Making a 'house call' I believe,"  
  
"Well, I expect they'll be hungry, why don't you bring them along too?"  
  
"Would that be wise?"  
  
"Is there a problem?"  
  
"No Captain, I will be there in five minutes,"  
  
"Archer out."  
  
"Is he your boyfriend?" asked Trip grinning.  
  
"No," said T'Pol firmly. "He is my Commanding Officer,"  
  
"I bet he's her boyfriend," Trip whispered to Malcolm.  
  
"He is not my boyfriend," said T'Pol raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Sure," said Trip rolling his eyes.  
  
"Follow me, it is time for dinner," she said standing up.  
  
They followed her down the corridors and into the turbo-lift.  
  
On the way out, Malcolm tripped and went flying into the wall and immediately burst into tears.  
  
T'Pol bent down and checked his head and found a small graze on his knee.  
  
"It is not life-threatening, you can stop crying," she said.  
  
"Don't be mean!" said Trip indignantly.  
  
T'Pol sighed and picked Malcolm up and took Trip's hand with her spare one.  
  
"Come along, we will be late," she said.  
  
Malcolm scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve.  
  
The Mess Hall fell silent when they entered. T'Pol ignored this and carried on walking.  
  
Various members of the crew waved to them, Malcolm hid his face in T'Pol's shoulder but Trip waved back grinning.  
  
"Hello T'Pol, glad you could make it," said Archer grinning, "How're you boys?"  
  
"Ok," said Trip, "I'm Charlie, who're you?"  
  
"I'm Captain Archer," said Archer smiling.  
  
Trip and Malcolm looked at each other giggling.  
  
T'Pol raised an eyebrow and set Malcolm down on one of the chairs.  
  
"You two hungry?" Archer asked.  
  
"Yup," they replied in unison.  
  
When the food was brought in moments later, the boys pulled faces when they saw what was on T'Pol's plate.  
  
"Do you not like your food?" asked T'Pol raising an eyebrow.  
  
"How can you eat that stuff?" asked Malcolm throwing the vegetables a dirty look.  
  
"It's green! Green stuff is bad for ya," Trip added.  
  
"Vegetables are good for you," said Archer.  
  
"That's what mah momma said," said Trip pulling a face.  
  
"No!" Malcolm insisted. "I had a green biscuit once and my mummy said not to eat it because it would make me sick,"  
  
"This will not make you sick," T'Pol informed him raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I bet it will, I can't eat lots of things 'cause I'm 'llergic," Malcolm announced.  
  
"Really?" Trip asked.  
  
"Yup, I have to take special injections so I can eat stuff," Malcolm replied.  
  
"Cool!" Trip exclaimed. "So if ya eat somethin' ya're 'llergic to will ya die?"  
  
"Dunno," Malcolm shrugged.  
  
"Can we try it?" Trip asked grinning mischievously.  
  
"No!" Archer exclaimed. "Get your food eaten you two,"  
  
"Bridge to Captain Archer"  
  
"Archer here,"  
  
"Sir, a ship's just app......."  
  
There was sounds of phaser fire on the other end.  
  
Archer and T'Pol exchanged glances.  
  
"You two stay here! Don't leave this room!" Archer ordered getting up.  
  
~*~Please review! This has to be a really long chapter for me and I need your thoughts! Next chapter involves trigger happy aliens and tantrums-I swear!~*~ 


	6. It's always the quiet ones

~*~Disclaimer= me own nowt! ~*~Everybody loves this story! All the reviews! I think I've died and gone to heaven!~*~  
  
Malcolm and Trip watched on innocently as Archer and T'Pol left the room.  
  
"Grown-ups," Trip snorted. "Ya think they'd have more sense."  
  
Malcolm nodded in agreement. He went forward and stretched up to reach the door release.  
  
"Aww! It's locked!" he moaned.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"The older child's device is malfunctioning again!" Jac'tir cursed.  
  
Fayla suddenly paled.  
  
"Jac'tir they're being attacked," she said. "No wait, the firing's stopped; I think they've been boarded."  
  
"What?! But that'll ruin the experiment!" Jac'tir exclaimed.  
  
"No, now we can see how they protect their young in battle," said Fayla.  
  
"What if they all die?" Jac'tir asked pointedly.  
  
"Well, from what we've learnt they don't seem to give up, I don't think they'll all die." Fayla replied shrugging.  
  
Jac'tir rolled his eyes.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Trip shook his head.  
  
"Charlie?" Malcolm asked "Ya ok?"  
  
"I'm ok Mal," said Trip, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Can ya unlock the door?" Malcolm asked hopefully.  
  
Trip nodded and within moments the door opened.  
  
"I don't think we should go, the Cap'n told us to stay here," he said.  
  
"He didn't say how long for," Malcolm pointed out a huge grin on his face.  
  
He took off and ran out the door.  
  
"Mal! Malcolm! Get back here!" Trip yelled, racing after him. "Jeez, it's always the ones ya least expect."  
  
Malcolm turned round and saw Trip.  
  
"C'mon! I found this really cool place yesterday fulla guns n stuff!" Malcolm called.  
  
Then he hit something, something big, that grabbed him by the shoulders and held him up in the air.  
  
"What is it?" the alien asked the other one.  
  
"Put me down!" Malcolm ordered, legs flailing.  
  
Trip saw the alien pick Malcolm up. He was torn between helping and running, if he stayed he'd most likely get caught but if he ran he could get help. He ran.  
  
"Ugly little thing isn't it," said the other alien. "Look at the pink skin, look! It even has hair on its head! How revolting!"  
  
Malcolm squirmed about.  
  
"Shall we take it to General Fadashna?" the alien asked.  
  
"Good idea, you can carry it though Hashat," replied the alien.  
  
Hashat threw Malcolm over his shoulder.  
  
"Put me down!" Malcolm yelled, kicking out and hitting every bit of available flesh he could find.  
  
They carried Malcolm up to the bridge. Malcolm was now silent, his fear growing.  
  
"General, we found this running round," said Hashat, holding out Malcolm.  
  
General Fadashna took Malcolm and looked at him closely.  
  
"It's a child you fools!" He exclaimed annoyed.  
  
"Leave him alone," said Archer through gritted teeth.  
  
"Whose child is he?" Fadashna demanded.  
  
The bridge crew stayed silent.  
  
"Who are your parents?" asked Fadashna, holding Malcolm so they were practically nose to nose.  
  
Malcolm stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry.  
  
"Don't mock me child!" Fadashna spat.  
  
"He's just a kid, leave him alone!" said Archer angrily.  
  
Malcolm kicked out wildly; Fadashna let him drop to the ground. Malcolm's lower lip trembled and he tried to move away.  
  
"Kill him, he's of no use," Fadashna ordered.  
  
"No!"  
  
Hashat looked at the other aliens and raised his weapon.  
  
"But it's just a young one," he said. "I can't kill a child."  
  
"Fine, Treshda show this weak coward how it's done," Fadashna sighed, glaring at Hashat.  
  
Archer dived forward and grabbed Malcolm.  
  
"Yours I assume, I thought as much," said Fadashna smiling.  
  
Archer held onto Malcolm tightly, who looked like he was on the verge of crying but managing to hold it back.  
  
"Only cowards use children," Archer spat.  
  
"Are you questioning my honour?" Fadashna demanded. "I would kill you were you stand if you were not such a weak race."  
  
Archer looked like he was going to explode and for a moment was speechless.  
  
"Get these people to the cargo hold, leave the child here and take the Captain to his ready room," Fadashna ordered.  
  
"I'm not leaving him here," said Archer, looking furious.  
  
Treshda strode forward and yanked Malcolm from Archer's arms.  
  
"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Malcolm yelled, thrashing about. "PUT ME DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
The bridge crew exchanged glances as Malcolm yelled, kicked, hit and screamed.  
  
"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Fadashna yelled, motioning for his men to take the bridge crew away.  
  
Malcolm burst into tears, very noisy tears at such a loud high-pitched frequency Hoshi wanted to block her ears.  
  
Archer was dragged off to his ready-room. He could still here Malcolm screaming and carrying on.  
  
~*~Please review! More to come next chapter!~*~ 


	7. Crying and sleeping

Disclaimer=me no own!~*~Oh. My. God. 72 reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*faints* Love you people!~*~  
  
Archer could still hear Malcolm screaming and crying-throwing a spectacular tantrum. Then he heard a dull thud and Malcolm fell silent.  
  
Archer listened intently for a moment anxiously. A few minutes later the whole procedure started up again-at twice the volume.  
  
* * *  
  
"Why won't it shut up?" Treshda yelled.  
  
"You shouldn't have hit it!" Fadashna yelled back. "Take it down to the cargo bay!"  
  
"I thought you wanted to keep it for testing sir?" Treshda asked, clamping his head over Malcolm's mouth.  
  
Malcolm opened his mouth and bit down hard.  
  
"It bit me!" Treshda exclaimed, moving his hand only to have Malcolm start up all over again.  
  
"Are you a man or a slug? Take it to the cargo bay!" Fadashna ordered.  
  
Treshda threw Malcolm over his shoulder and walked into the turbo lift.  
  
"Will you shut up?!" He exclaimed, annoyed.  
  
"NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!" Malcolm screamed. "PUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWNPUTMEDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Treshda resisted the urge to shoot Malcolm out the nearest airlock and tried to mentally drown out the din he was making as he hurriedly carried him to the cargo bay.  
  
He nodded to the two guards to open the door and practically tossed Malcolm inside.  
  
Hoshi looked up as Malcolm came flying in-caught by one of the other crewmembers. She went over to retrieve him.  
  
He was still crying but had managed to still it so it was more of a hiccupy sobbing.  
  
She picked him up and carried him back to where she'd been sitting beside Phlox.  
  
"That's a nasty bump on your head," said Phlox.  
  
"They hit me," Malcolm sobbed.  
  
"It's ok now," said Hoshi hugging him.  
  
* * *  
  
Trip looked around.  
  
"I was right, these tubes were made for kids," he said amazed. "It's huge!"  
  
He knew the rest of the crew were in the cargo bay, but he had no idea where Malcolm was or whether anyone else hadn't been caught.  
  
He wasn't exactly sure what to do-being a good two and a half foot shorter than he normally was things he could reach were kinda limited.  
  
He hoped Malcolm was alright-only having the memories of being four years old and then being captured by aliens must have scared him.  
  
The weirdest thing had been regaining all his old memories back in the Captains mess. One minute he'd been happily watching Malcolm plot their escape the next he'd been running after him sounding like an old man trying to keep him safe.  
  
He rested a moment, feeling very alone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I don't believe this!" Jac'tir exclaimed. "Now they're both malfunctioning!"  
  
"What?!" Fayla asked. "What's wrong with them? Is it the memory part again?"  
  
"I don't know! All I know is it's not responding to commands," Jac'tir replied frantically tapping various controls.  
  
"We should help them," said Fayla.  
  
"With what?" Jac'tir snapped. "Our magical massive arsenal of weapons?"  
  
"Precisely," said Fayla. "We should bring the weapons online and hit the other ships weaponry."  
  
"Today is not a good day to die Fayla!" said Jac'tir, annoyed. "You realise that's suicide don't you?"  
  
"Not necessarily," Fayla argued.  
  
Jac'tir buried his face in his hands.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Is he alright?" Hoshi asked quietly.  
  
"He should be fine," said Phlox. "Probably tired out after all that crying and screaming."  
  
"For such a little kid-he's got a big pair of lungs on him," said Hoshi, wincing at the memory. "I've never heard such a high pitched sound emit from one so small."  
  
Malcolm was by now fast asleep, tired out, snuggled into Hoshi's arms.  
  
~*~Please review! A bit short I know, but the next chapter'll be longer!~*~ 


	8. Is the world getting bigger? Or am I shr...

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~Wow! So many reviews! Everybody loves this story!! :D~*~  
  
*Ok, what do I do?* Trip asked himself. *I'm six years old and roaming the Jefferies tubes. Plus I'm about two foot shorter than usual. I think most of the crew are in the cargo bays but I'm not sure so I can't get rid of the oxygen supply to anywhere else.*  
  
He came to an opening and found himself above the armoury.  
  
*What If I steal the weapons and give them to the rest of the crew in the cargo bays so they can...............free themselves?*  
  
He saw a couple of the aliens in the room and waited a second. Silently he moved into the room ducking down behind one of the consoles silently thankful that for once his height came in useful.  
  
However now he was in there he hadn't a clue what to do. He had no weapon to take out the two guards and even if he did it would alert more guards to his presence.  
  
Plus he discovered another problem-he couldn't reach the cabinet.  
  
Suddenly the guards stirred hearing their leader's voice over the comm system.  
  
"Get the weapons out and ready for transport."  
  
Trip crept to the corner and watched as the guards proceeded to simply break open the weapons locker. They moved the weapons out slowly ten at a time. Trip leapt up and grabbed them diving back into the Jefferies tube just as they turned round again.  
  
Trip crawled at top speed in the direction of the cargo bays trying desperately not to drop any of the weapons he was carrying.  
  
Every time he came near a corridor he could hear the pounding of the guards feet and he was certain that one was in the Jefferies Tube somewhere behind him.  
  
Finally he reached the cargo bay. He saw Phlox and Hoshi sat in front of it.  
  
"Move forward!" he hissed "And don't turn round!"  
  
They realised instantly it was Trip and obediently shifted forward. Trip managed to slip into the room and pass the weapons through. With the crew all so clumped together it was easy to pass the phase pistols along to the security teams.  
  
Phlox managed to catch hold of Trip and sat him down.  
  
"At least you don't seem any worse for wear," he commented.  
  
In Hoshi's lap Malcolm stirred at all the sudden commotion.  
  
"What's going on?" He mumbled, shifting into a more comfortable position and immediately falling asleep again.  
  
"Did he get brought here straight away?" Trip asked quietly, feeling the tension rise in the room and making sure he was still hidden from the guard's line of sight.  
  
"No, but he threw a tantrum to be proud of," Hoshi whispered back.  
  
"Mal threw a tantrum?" Trip asked amazed.  
  
"Kicking, screaming, crying-the works," Hoshi shuddered.  
  
Suddenly the security team surged forward taking the guards out with reasonable ease.  
  
The rest of the crew watched them race out and waited a few moments before following. Apparently they'd been informed of a plan and were now putting it into action.  
  
Trip made as if to follow but Phlox held onto him firmly.  
  
"We are going nowhere but sickbay."  
  
Hoshi got up shifting Malcolm so he was now leaning against her shoulder.  
  
"What good's that gonna do?" Trip asked impatiently. "We should help!"  
  
"You've done your part now," Phlox informed him. "Plus, whereas I hope the plan is successful there are chances it might not be so we should go somewhere safe."  
  
Trip scowled.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'm serious, we should help them," said Fayla.  
  
"Look, they're helping themselves!" Jac'tir pointed out "Plus if we die then they'll be ever so slightly screwed. The controls have only just started working again and apart from child A's memory not being repressed it's working properly!"  
  
"We wouldn't die! Don't be so melodramatic!" Fayla exclaimed ignoring his final point. "We'd only need to take out their weapons and then we could take a back seat."  
  
"Only!" Jac'tir mimicked. "We'd only have to take out their weapons, she says!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"How can he still be asleep?" Trip asked, staring mutinously at Malcolm.  
  
"Oh he's only little-leave him alone," said Hoshi, smiling slightly. "The whole ships been taken over by aliens, the entire crew are trying to take it back and we are in sickbay doing nothing and Malcolm's asleep!" Trip yelled. "How can he sleep at a time like this?!?"  
  
Resisting the urge to kick something, Trip flopped back on the biobed. Malcolm woke up properly this time.  
  
"You've woken him up now!" Hoshi snapped.  
  
"They gone?" Malcolm asked sleepily.  
  
She was about to reply when the ship rocked sending them all flying.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"See, now they're fighting it out, they don't need us," Jac'tir assured Fayla.  
  
A shot bounced off their hull.  
  
"The controls!" Jac'tir exclaimed, seeing it spark.  
  
"We have to move!" Fayla exclaimed. "Or we'll get blown up!"  
  
"None of the controls are working! They've taken out everything! Including the children's controls!" Jac'tir yelled as the console sparked violently.  
  
"What? Do something!" Fayla yelled.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I don't feel good," Malcolm mumbled.  
  
"Me either," Trip groaned.  
  
"Where does it hurt?" asked Phlox concerned, helping Hoshi to her feet.  
  
"My tummy," Malcolm moaned curling into a ball.  
  
"I feel kinda funny all over," Trip added looking miserable.  
  
"I want my mummy," Malcolm sniffed. "I wanna go home."  
  
"That isn't possible at the moment," Hoshi told him gently.  
  
She watched as Phlox scanned them, feeling the ship rock as more blasts struck it.  
  
"Do you know what's wrong with them?" Hoshi asked, seeing Phlox check his results a fourth time. "Well I can't be sure-but I think they're regressing further," Phlox said sounding perplexed.  
  
~*~Please review! Because, the ship is being fired on by weird alien people, more weird alien people have lost control of the devices in Trip and Malcolm and now they're getting smaller! It's just not their day.....................~*~ 


	9. Nappys, wounded and 1 odd situation

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~Aww! Thanks for all your reviews!!! Note to Pitch=Totally agree with your argument against my story in a way but let me just remind you I didn't tape your eyes open and physically force you to read this nor anyone else-they reviewed out of free will! All powerful I am not!~*~  
  
Archer suppressed a yawn and sighed. His head was throbbing painfully, he'd just retaken the ship with the help of the crew and now quite frankly he was knackered. So to hear his two senior officers had regressed even further was the perfect end to a crappy day.  
  
Sickbay was a hive of activity; Phlox was running backwards and forwards trying to treat all the casualties.  
  
He caught sight of T'Pol with a baby crying at full bore in her arms-well she was holding it at arms length with a raised eyebrow, a little blonde haired toddler was at her feet.  
  
He made his way over to her and took Malcolm from her-for a second he thought he saw a look of relief pass across her face as the crying infant was taken from her.  
  
He quietened Malcolm down trying not to think of the fact he was nursing a baby who had two days ago been a fully grown man.  
  
"Hi!" Trip exclaimed waving.  
  
Archer smiled and sat down beside him feeling his bones crack as he did so.  
  
"How have they been T'Pol?" he asked.  
  
Trip stared at Malcolm and reached out and prodded him. Malcolm gurgled looking faintly annoyed.  
  
"Like infants," was her reply accompanied by another raised eyebrow.  
  
"Phlox had chance to look at them properly yet?" Archer asked.  
  
"I do not know, I arrived moments ago with an injured crewman," T'Pol replied. "The Doctor handed me the baby and went to tend the injured."  
  
Archer sighed and looked at Malcolm and Trip.  
  
Trip grinned sweetly; he was an angelic looking toddler and had a butter- wouldn't-melt-in-his-mouth expression on his face. He looked to be about three, maybe two.  
  
Malcolm blinked; he looked at least nine months to a year old and gurgled away to himself quite happily.  
  
Archer had a sudden horrible thought and regarded them both suspiciously.  
  
"I hope you're potty trained."  
  
Malcolm babbled something in baby talk.  
  
Phlox came over.  
  
"Are you alright Captain?" he asked concerned.  
  
"I'm fine-you don't happen to have any diapers do you?" Archer asked eyeing Malcolm warily who appeared to be looking very thoughtful.  
  
"Hoshi has gone to find some," Phlox told him. "She should return any moment now."  
  
"Need wee!" Trip announced gleefully.  
  
"Sub-Commander please could you take Trip to the latrine?" Archer asked politely.  
  
T'Pol regarded him closely with an ice cold gaze, before wordlessly taking Trip's arm and directing him to the toilet.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I think we should reveal ourselves," said Fayla staring at the broken control pad and sighing. "Reverse the devices' effects."  
  
"Oh yeah, perfect timing. 'Hello we're from another planet and guess what?!? We made your officers children!' I can see that going down like a ton of lead bricks," Jac'tir snapped.  
  
"This is stupid," Fayla moaned.  
  
"Look, I don't question the rules I just follow them," said Jac'tir. "The rules clearly state no contact until sufficient data has been gathered. Plus I don't particularly want to die today-lets wait till I've fixed the controls and then do.............something."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hoshi! Thank God!" Archer exclaimed seeing his communications officer appear. "Err.............can you change him?"  
  
Hoshi nodded and took Malcolm from Archer who suddenly decided now would be a great time to go see Phlox.  
  
Malcolm gave her a gummy smile and she could just see a tooth at the bottom.  
  
"It's alright for you," Hoshi told him. "You're not the one having to put a diaper on a senior officer!"  
  
He giggled and Hoshi took a deep breath.  
  
"It's been years since I did this, last time I had to change a diaper I was 18," she said. "I never knew how much these uniforms were like baby grows, they're not made for easy access are they? Mind you I don't suppose whoever designed them thought about babies at the time."  
  
Once she managed to free him of his uniform she put a nappy on him pretty quickly. Only have Malcolm screw up his face before gurgling happily and talking to her.  
  
"You did that on purpose," she said slightly annoyed. "If you weren't so cute I'd make you do it yourself!"  
  
When she'd done it a second time she stopped and stared at him a moment. He rolled over and crawled towards her.  
  
"This is really weird," she commented. "If I ever had kids I hope they'd be a cute as you.................."  
  
Her voice dropped to a barely audible whisper.  
  
"I hope they'd be ours."  
  
Malcolm gave her another gummy smile.  
  
T'Pol reappeared with Trip. She had a blank expression on her face but Trip looked very pleased with himself.  
  
Hoshi couldn't resist grinning.  
  
T'Pol gave a quick look back at Phlox and Archer who were deep in discussion before making her mind up that the logical option would be to do a complete systems diagnostic and left quickly.  
  
Trip sat down beside Hoshi and leaned his head on her shoulder.  
  
"You sleepy?" she asked, giving a quick glance at Malcolm who was sucking on his fingers.  
  
"No," Trip told her. "'M not sleepy."  
  
~*~Please review-I'm stuck for what's gonna happen next!~*~ 


	10. Aliens and time

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~107!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my GOD! *Faints* wow!!! So happy! Thank you all sooo much!!!!~*~  
  
Jac'tir frowned and stabbed the controls for the hundredth time.  
  
"We're going to have to reveal ourselves," said Fayla reasonably. "Any fool can see that's broken."  
  
Jac'tir threw the controls yelling in frustration.  
  
"Fine," he muttered. "Hail Enterprise."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Bridge to Captain Archer."  
  
"Archer here."  
  
"A transmissions coming through, they identify themselves as Jac'tir and Fayla and they say they can help with Lieutenant Reed's and Commander Tucker's condition."  
  
"I'll be there in five minutes. Archer out."  
  
Taking one last look back at his officers Archer made his way quickly to the bridge.  
  
"Open a channel."  
  
A purple skinned Alien appeared on the screen, it had childlike features and large red eyes coupled with dark hair cascading to its shoulders.  
  
"Captain Archer, I am Fayla," it told him.  
  
"Hello," he acknowledged taking a moment to regain his composure.  
  
"I'm sorry to say it's us who're responsible for the current state of your officers," she began sheepishly. "Don't worry-we can fix it!"  
  
"You mean you turned my senior officers into children?" Archer demanded. "What the hell for?"  
  
"It's how our society determines whether or not to make contact with a species," said a slightly deeper voice from behind her. A green skinned alien stepped into view. "I'm Jac'tir."  
  
"You'll have to elaborate," said Archer trying to resist the urge to shout at how stupid that was.  
  
"Well, we judge cultures on how they treat their children, we transform two for a short while and study how they're interacted with," Fayla explained. "I don't get it either but that's what we're told to do."  
  
"Will you shut up!" Jac'tir hissed. "You're not helping!"  
  
"How soon can you reverse the process?" Archer asked, trying to assure himself that he wasn't actually facing alien children but alien adults.  
  
"Well, if you want it done quickly it's about 48 hours, but I don't recommend that-it can be quite.....................painful," Jac'tir replied. "If you want it done pain free then it'll take about a month depending on how old they were in the first place and we can only change one at a time since the controls got broken."  
  
"Here's how this is going to run," said Archer decisively. "You two are going to come aboard where you will be detained by a security team and then once our Doctor and I have considered our options we will let you know."  
  
Jac'tir and Fayla nodded nervously.  
  
* * *  
  
"Perhaps the quickest option would be best," Phlox mused. "I can knock them out I assume so they wont be awake for the process."  
  
"The sooner we get them back to normal the better," Archer agreed. "Do you think it will have any lasting effects?"  
  
Phlox shook his head.  
  
"Remarkable procedure really," he commented. "But it shouldn't harm them in the long term."  
  
He looked down at the two officers on the biobed. Malcolm was still sucking his fingers whereas Trip was listening to their conversation intently.  
  
"When can we begin?" Archer wanted to know.  
  
"In about an hour," Phlox replied. "Of course Fayla and Jac'tir would need to be brought here to verify that."  
  
Archer nodded.  
  
* * *  
  
"OK so he was 29 originally and he was 27," Fayla mused. "That means it'll take......................um.........................52 hours for them to get back to normal."  
  
((a/n think about it if you don't get my maths you have to account for the fact Trip is already three (ish) and Malcolm is a year give or take))  
  
"So it'll take six days for me to have both my officers back as they were before?" Archer asked running his hand through his hair.  
  
"Yes," Jac'tir informed him.  
  
"I hope you realise you're not off the hook," Archer told them sternly. "You still have a lot of explaining to do."  
  
"When can you start the procedure?" Phlox cut in seeing the look of despair flash across Jac'tirs and Faylas faces.  
  
"Now if you like," said Fayla. "We'll do the older one first."  
  
~*~Please review! It's great to hear your comments n stuff!~*~ 


	11. Bridge Baby!

~*~Disclaimer=me no own~*~ 119 reviews!!!!!!1 Wow!!!! OK right, sorry for the author's notes in the middle I just write them as I think of them but I will try not too. Right, the reason I said 3 days for them to get back to normal and not two days is because it takes 52 hours for them to become adult again and they'll need the rest of the day to find a paper to stick over their heads.~*~  
  
Trip backed away from Phlox warily seeing him waving the hypospray around.  
  
"No!"  
  
"It won't hurt I promise," Phlox assured him.  
  
He lunged for him but Trip leapt back. Malcolm giggled watching them curiously. Archer came forward to help Phlox. They dived for him again but Trip raced forward and jumped off the biobed. Archer grabbed him mid air.  
  
"Gotcha!" He exclaimed.  
  
"NONONONONONONONONO!!" Trip yelled squirming.  
  
"Trip keep still!" said Archer exasperatedly struggling to keep hold of him.  
  
"Captain, hold him still," said Phlox advancing on them with the hypospray.  
  
Archer gave a sigh of relief as he felt Trip go limp and his breathing become deep and even. He laid him down on the biobed next to Malcolm. Malcolm stared at him a moment before poking him. Phlox swept him up and handed him to Archer.  
  
"Captain, we'll need to begin the procedure now," said Phlox. "I trust you'll be alright to watch Mr Reed."  
  
Archer looked at Malcolm who gazed up at him sucking his fingers. Smiling Phlox handed him a bag.  
  
"Nappy bag," he announced. "Also it contains bottles he'll need feeding soon."  
  
"Phlox," Archer began. Then stopped short remembering he was Captain of a Starship in charge of eighty odd people, he could just order someone else to do it-he had no intention of spending the next three days changing his officers nappies in fact he had no intention of even seeing that part of Malcolm whether he was a baby or not.  
  
Phlox stared at him curiously as a grin came over his face as he imagined handing Malcolm to T'Pol and telling her about nappies and feeding time.  
  
"Humans," Phlox muttered shaking his head as he watched Archer leave with an evil grin on his face.  
  
Archer carried Malcolm onto the bridge.  
  
"Captain?" T'Pol asked raising her eyebrow.  
  
"Someone's got to watch him," Archer shrugged. "Right now we need everyone at their posts in case the aliens return, besides Malcolm knows all about Bridge protocol don't you Malcolm?"  
  
Malcolm giggled.  
  
"See."  
  
"Captain, I..."  
  
"Are you volunteering to watch him Sub-Commander?"  
  
For a second Archer could've sworn he saw a look of horror briefly flash across T'Pol's face.  
  
"As you rightly said Captain, everyone is needed at their posts."  
  
Hoshi and Travis let out a sound that sounded oddly like laughter but quickly covered it up with simultaneous coughing fits.  
  
"Something to add Ensigns?" T'Pol asked looking far from amused realising Archer was winding her up.  
  
They shook their heads quickly.  
  
There was about five minutes of silence broken only by the sound of Malcolm sucking on his fingers and the soft tap tap of people working at their consoles.  
  
"He looks tired sir," Travis commented. "I think he's falling asleep."  
  
"Phlox said he'd need feeding though," Archer frowned slightly. "But I suppose he'll wake up if he's hungry."  
  
He looked down at the baby boy on his lap uncertainly.  
  
"Are you sleepy?" he asked hopefully.  
  
Malcolm rubbed his eyes and stared at him curiously.  
  
"Are you sure he's sleepy?" Archer asked doubtfully.  
  
Travis shrugged.  
  
Archer gazed at Malcolm again, he watched his eyes droop lower and lower until finally they closed completely and he sighed leaning against Archer and sucking his fingers.  
  
"Aww that's adorable."  
  
"Nobody make a sound," Archer warned. "We've all heard him scream and it isn't pretty."  
  
Hoshi cringed remembering the tantrum Malcolm had thrown, how high pitched he'd gotten, it sent shivers down her spine just thinking about it. She had to admit though he did look cute-when he was asleep.  
  
Archer had no idea what to do, he didn't want to move in case he woke Malcolm up and knowing the volume he could reach he had no intention of waking him accidently. On the other hand he needed to get up and move remembering he had reports that needed to be read also he wanted to do something that distracted him from the fact his best friend was currently having some sort of procedure done on him to make him adult again.  
  
He glanced down at Malcolm again before deciding to try and move him without waking him up and foisting him off on someone else. His gaze landed on Hoshi, she'd changed his nappy earlier she was perfect for the job!  
  
"Hoshi."  
  
"Yes Captain?"  
  
"Can you take him?"  
  
Hoshi saw the look in his eyes and decided she couldn't be bothered to argue with him. She sighed quietly and nodded.  
  
Archer grinned. Carefully he managed to slip his arms beneath Malcolm and passed him to Hoshi.  
  
* * *  
  
"Is it supposed to be that colour?"  
  
"How the hell should I know?"  
  
"Do you even know what you're doing?"  
  
"Of course I do I've done this hundreds of times."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Well, my teacher assured me that had my subject not already been dead he would've lived."  
  
"I thought you'd been on these missions before!"  
  
"I have! But usually the equipment doesn't go haywire and it can be reversed from a safe distance away!"  
  
"Oh God he's gonna die!"  
  
"He is not going to die! Keep your voice down! Do you want us to get killed?"  
  
"You have no idea what you're doing!"  
  
"Yes I do! Now pipe down! I need to concentrate!"  
  
"But Jac'tir!"  
  
"Shut it! I've been trained for this situation, I know what I'm doing now hand me that thing."  
  
"What?"  
  
"That pointy thing, slightly curvy."  
  
"Oh that's reassuring 'That pointy thing'."  
  
~*~Please review! More Trip in the next chapter promise!!!! Ok now to thank all those who have reviewed so far:  
  
Jen, Orion9, Joslin, Melly, Ocean, Luna, Ashti, Flyingpurplepig, Wildcat, Phaser Lady, kaliedescopecat, The Libran Iniquity, The Watch Stander, Edel, pitch, Gene, weegie, anita, soultoast, souothern trip, maraschino, Jacqui Simon, Anna, chianna, Katie, captaincrash, gizzi1213, Alison, Jazzy, dyslexic moaner, mike, wolfa moon, melodie, Jen717, Angharad, malcolmsluv, jaz, A.Windsor, thomasina, drakcir, mini, wuemsel, reedie, paleoloca, kool- cat, cryogenie, insane elven pirate, cillian4, pipper-noiter, Emiliana Keladry, gia and jaws-love you all for reviewing!!!!!!~*~ 


	12. ones all tingly the other's all pukey

**Disclaimer=me no own130 reviews!!! faints Love you people so much!!!!!!!!!!! Lets see now.................oh yeah mini Mal will not possess a dummy.................unfortunately and yes Fayla and Jac'tir are hopelessly incompetent (but that makes it more fun! Lol) OH yeah and sorry about the fact its taken me donkeys years to update it's cause I got a lead role in the school musical and there's been loads of rehearsals n stuff :D**  
  
"Done."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yes.................."  
  
"You don't sound very confident."  
  
"All I need to do is stitch the skin up."  
  
"It's a horrible colour, I would die if my skin were that colour!"  
  
"They're all this colour, part from a couple of them maybe their species are supposed to be those colours."  
  
"Aww look! His eyes are blue."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Because they're open."  
  
Fayla and Jac'tir exchanged horrified glances.  
  
"DOCTOR PHLOX!!!" They yelled simultaneously.  
  
Phlox was at their side in an instant.  
  
Trip started to cry-loudly.  
  
"He shouldn't be awake!" Fayla exclaimed trying to keep Trips head still as Jac'tir did the last few stitches.  
  
Phlox quickly prepared another hypospray and pressed it into Trips neck. Nothing happened.  
  
"Why is nothing happening?" Jac'tir asked worriedly. "That's supposed to make him sleep isn't it?"  
  
"I don't know why it's not working," Phlox replied frowning, trying to calm Trip down. "He shouldn't even be awake in the first place."  
  
"Maybe they have to be awake?" Fayla suggested shifting uncomfortably. "Maybe it's just a side affect of the manual override?"  
  
Their gaze turned to Jac'tir who seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Trip started screaming louder than ever and sobbing his little heart out. His head hurt, he ached all over, all he really wanted was his mum and he didn't know who these strange people were or why they were arguing.  
  
"Well?" Fayla asked pointedly.  
  
"Is there anything we can do?" Phlox asked, desperately trying to stem Trips sobs. "It's alright don't cry, it's ok."  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"What d'ya mean ya don't know?!?" Fayla screeched.  
  
**"THE GUY I DID IT ON WAS ALREADY DEAD!!!!! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE ALRIGHT?!?!"** Jac'tir yelled finally.  
  
"Are you saying there's nothing we can do?" Phlox asked, resisting the urge to strangle them both.  
  
Jac'tir nodded.  
  
Phlox sighed, Trip had now dissolved into hiccups scrubbing at his eyes with balled up fists.  
  
"It shouldn't be that bad till he has his spurt," Fayla offered. "After all that's when he grows most isn't it?"  
  
"Spurt?"  
  
"When he becomes adult."  
  
"Ah, I see, till that time he won't suffer?"  
  
"Shouldn't do," Jac'tir lied shrugging.  
  
Trip rested his head against Phlox's shoulder snuffling and shooting the two aliens wary glances, the occasional tear running down his face from the pain in his head and the strange tickling sensation running up and down his body.  
  
Phlox walked over to the comm.  
  
"Sickbay to Captain Archer."  
  
"Archer here."  
  
"We have a development Captain."  
  
"What kind of development?"  
  
"Apparently sedatives have no effect once the procedure has begun."  
  
"You mean Trips awake?"  
  
"I'm afraid so Captain. The next 52 hours aren't going to be pleasant for him."  
  
"I'll be there in a few minutes. Archer out."  
  
Phlox glanced down at the small boy in his arms who appeared to be looking very sorry for himself.  
  
"Hurts," Trip whined pitifully.  
  
"Your head?" Phlox asked gently.  
  
Trip nodded.  
  
"Now that I can help with," said Phlox a smile back on his face once more.  
  
He set Trip back down on the biobed and cast a glance over to Fayla and Jac'tir who were having a whispered argument culminating in Fayla swatting Jac'tir round the head and shooting him a reproachful glance.  
  
"If I die I'm blaming you!" she hissed.

**0000000000000000000**  
  
Hoshi stared down at the sleeping boy in her arms, she had wanted to get close to Malcolm for so long but this wasn't exactly what she intended. It'd been hard enough changing his nappy earlier but she had a feeling Malcolm had been dumped on her till Phlox and the alien smurfs (as she'd christened them) were ready to start his procedure. Now though after hearing Archer's conversation with Phlox she was worried about what would happen.  
  
The alien smurfs didn't exactly install her with much confidence.  
  
Malcolm sighed in his sleep and snuggled into her more, still sucking on his fingers. Hoshi briefly wondered if he'd had a dummy as a baby and for a split second she wondered if she had children would they have a dummy.  
  
Then all thoughts of motherhood went out her mind as Malcolm woke up, threw up and started crying at the top of his lungs. Hoshi cast a look around.  
  
"Sub-Commander, I need to go clean up, can you watch him?"  
  
She quickly handed the bawling Malcolm to T'Pol and scarpered. She wondered about the possibly disciplinary measures she might face when she'd cleaned the baby vomit off her uniform.  
  
Then the more evil part of her thought of T'Pol trying to stop Malcolm crying and suddenly even though the smell of vomit was rising from her uniform and passing crewmembers were giving her odd looks, she smiled.

**0000000000000000000**  
  
It was an unhappy bunch of people that greeted Archer in Sickbay. Little Trip looked especially miserable but when he saw Archer something clicked in the back of his mind and he knew this was someone he trusted. He held up his arms for Archer to pick him up and leaned against him sticking his tongue out at Fayla and Jac'tir. He shivered involuntarily and gave a small cry of pain as the tickling sensation running up and down his body suddenly got stronger.  
  
So whaddya think????


	13. Six hours later

0000 Disclaimer=me no own 0000 So many reviews!!! Thanks to everyone who reviewed 'cause you made my day!! In this chapter our poor lil guys are gonna get into even more trouble (y'know just to liven things up a bit) And before I forget a dummy is what Americans would call a.........pacifier I believe, hey you're lucky I managed to call it a dummy, I had to read it through and check I hadn't written doe-dee (long story) 0000  
  
Archer sighed, it'd now been six hours since they started the procedure and a very cranky six year old was scowling at him from the biobed. Jac'tir and Fayla weren't doing much of anything, just sat side by side occasionally hitting each other and having quiet arguments. Phlox was pouring over various scans he'd taken occasionally muttering some medical technobabble that e didn't understand.  
  
"I wanna go home!" Trip said mutinously, crossing his arms and looking thoroughly annoyed.  
  
"I'm sorry but you can't," Archer repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. "You're ill and you need to stay here for the time being."  
  
"Not sick," Trip muttered, but the tremble that ran through his body betrayed him.  
  
"It'll just be for a little while longer," Archer assured him.  
  
00000000000000000000000  
  
T'Pol watched Malcolm, one eyebrow raised. Changing his nappy had been................an experience, something she wasn't in a hurry to repeat. Of course she hadn't objected to him falling asleep again straight afterwards, that is until a few moments ago when he woke again.  
  
Malcolm was now being fed by Hoshi who'd managed to take about an hour in changing her uniform. Well, she was trying to feed him, so far most of the food was spread round his face as Malcolm had tried to feed himself and refusing to eat anything now Hoshi had taken the spoon off him.  
  
"Um..........here comes the choo-choo train!" she tried making train noises as the spoon zoomed towards Malcolm's mouth.  
  
He remained unimpressed.  
  
"Not a train boy eh?" Hoshi asked. Then a burst of inspiration hit her. "Here comes the torpedo!"  
  
Then miraculously, whether he was impressed with Hoshi's torpedo sounds or not he opened his mouth.  
  
Relieved Hoshi tried to pull the spoon out again, unfortunately Malcolm had now decided he liked the spoon in his mouth and was unwilling to relinquish it.  
  
"I bet your mother loved you," Hoshi muttered darkly, finally unhooking the spoon from his gums.  
  
Malcolm looked up at her and burbled something.  
  
"Yes, you like baby mush don't you!" Hoshi cooed, finding herself unable to remain angry at him.  
  
She looked up only to find the rest of the bridge crew staring at her.  
  
"Anyone else wanna try?" she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.  
  
They all immediately looked away.  
  
"Thought as much," she mumbled, turning her attention back to Malcolm. Who'd dunked his hand in the unwatched food and was gleefully sucking on it.  
  
"Ok, have it your way," she sighed, finally giving in.  
  
Malcolm innocently sucked his hand and watched her.  
  
Once he'd finished mashing food into his face Hoshi grabbed hold of him (albeit somewhat reluctantly now he was head to toe in baby food).  
  
"Sub-Commander............."She began. To her surprise T'Pol nodded almost immediately.  
  
Feeling slightly smug as she ended her shift early Hoshi carried Malcolm off the bridge and down to her quarters.  
  
Dumping the baby bag on the floor, she walked into the bathroom and grabbed a flannel.  
  
"C'mere you," she said wiping his face over. He screwed his face up and tried to fend her off but didn't succeed.  
  
"Urgh, look at the state of your clothes," she sighed. She took his clothes off and sat him down on her bed. "You stay here; I'll just find you a t- shirt or something."  
  
Keeping one eye on him she moved across her room and opened her wardrobe. She took her eye off him for a second to pull a t-shirt out, but when she turned back Malcolm was gone.  
  
"Malcolm?" she called, worriedly, immediately diving down and checking the floor, under her bed-anywhere she could think of.  
  
"Bridge to Sato"  
  
"Go ahead"  
  
"We detected a transporter beam out from your quarters."  
  
"Malcolm's been taken."  
  
0000000 Please review, yes I'm horrible leaving it like that but you know some aliens just don't like giving up.....................0000000 


	14. Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

**00000000 Disclaimer=me no own 0000000000 Aww! Thank you for all the reviews!!!!! I feel loved! I have to apologise for the appalling amount of time it's taken for me to update especially to TLI after I practically screamed at her for not updating her stories. 0000000**  
  
Trip blinked and gazed round at his new surroundings. The room was wall to wall mirrors and contained a bed, a chair and some blankets. He wondered where he was, one minute he'd been in sickbay, the next he was here.  
  
"Hello?" he called as a violent shiver ran through him.  
  
He heard something and turned back to the bed only to see a small baby materialise. The baby stared up at him with wide eyes watching the older boy shiver. Trip glanced down at him and within the depths of his memory something stirred-he knew this baby.  
  
Trip pulled a blanket over himself shivering again. The baby whimpered slightly. Trip frowned, he didn't know what to do, all he really knew was his head hurt and his bones ached.  
  
_0000000000000000 Enterprise 00000000000000000_  
  
"How did we not detect their ship!?!?" Archer demanded pacing furiously.  
  
"Captain, the alien vessel was cloaked, therefore we did not detect it till it beamed Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed off Enterprise," T'Pol explained calmly.  
  
"Captain, we need to find them," Phlox urged. "Commander Tucker is in a delicate condition..............."  
  
Fayla and Jac'tir suddenly found everyone's gaze switch onto them. Jac'tir squirmed guiltily.  
  
"Sorry, this is all our fault," he mumbled staring at his feet.  
  
**"DAMN RIGHT IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!"** Archer exclaimed, he stopped short and took a deep breath to collect himself.  
  
"Captain, why would anyone have taken children?" Hoshi asked stress evident in her voice.  
  
"They want the technology," Fayla replied boldly. "Or at least I think they do, they want Commander Tucker so they can study the reversal and they want Lieutenant Reed for the device."  
  
"Forgive me for stating the obvious but wouldn't it have been easier for them just to take Trip, that way they could study what the device does and get it after?" Hoshi asked frowning slightly.  
  
"Once the device has returned the person to their normal age it starts to break down and dissolves in the person's bloodstream," Jac'tir explained. "Of course if you don't know what you're doing when removing the device from someone you have a 90% chance of killing them..............."  
  
He trailed off looking miserable.  
  
"Which means we don't have much time," said Archer grimly, trying not to contemplate the thought of finding the body of his armoury officer when they located the ship. "We have two days before Trip has fully grown up; they have a head start on us, so T'Pol I want you to scan for any remnants of their warp trail, everybody else I want to help repair their ship."  
  
"Our ship?" Jac'tir stuttered worriedly.  
  
"You have a cloaking device onboard don't you?" Archer asked, turning back to him.  
  
Jac'tir nodded.  
  
"We can use that when we find them," Archer clarified. "Of course, if you have any ideas as to what we're dealing with say so-especially if you know where they're going."  
  
Jac'tir and Fayla exchanged glances. Finally Fayla spoke up.  
  
"The people who attacked you before are the ones who have the children," she said. "They're always trying to find people who have our technology within them-they want to use the device to create a modification that can serve as mind control basically."  
  
"Do you know where they're headed?" Archer demanded, trying to keep his cool.  
  
Jac'tir and Fayla shook their heads.  
  
"We aren't privy to such information," Jac'tir told him. "We've always been told to avoid them as much as possible; they're always praying on ships in this system, when they last attacked they must've informed one of their other ships."  
  
"You all know what needs doing," said Archer finally.  
  
_0000000000000000000 The cell 000000000000000000_  
  
Trip looked up as the door opened. He shrank back in fear as an alien stepped in. He shivered violently again.  
  
"Up," the alien commanded.  
  
The baby began to cry at his side.  
  
"Up," the alien repeated. "I need to measure you."  
  
Reluctantly Trip got to his feet, Malcolm's cries aggravating his headache.  
  
"Stand against the wall," the alien ordered.  
  
Trip backed up against the wall furthest away from the alien, wishing with all his heart he was back home with his parents. The alien sighed and stormed over. Trip clamped his eyes shut and another violent shiver ran through him.  
  
"Stand up straight," the alien barked.  
  
Trip hesitantly drew himself up to his full height. The alien reached up and made a mark.  
  
"How old are you?" the alien asked impatiently.  
  
"Six," Trip whispered.  
  
The alien nodded and left.  
  
Trip let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding and miserably sank down to the floor. Malcolm still hadn't stopped crying and was now red in the face.  
  
"Stop it," Trip begged rubbing his head.  
  
He scrunched up his face in an effort to remember what his mum did with Lizzy when she cried.  
  
He stood up and sat down on the bed, pulling Malcolm onto his lap.  
  
"Um," he paused a moment in thought.  
  
Then he remembered what his mum did, she sang to Lizzy when she wanted her to sleep.  
  
_"Twinkle, twinkle, little star............um...............how I wonder what you are,"_ he sang desperately.  
  
Malcolm's cries subsided a moment.  
  
Spurred on by his success Trip carried on with more vigour:  
  
_"Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky, twinkle, twinkle, little star how I wonder what you are!"  
_  
Malcolm was now reduced to sniffling as he gazed up at Trip in absolute confusion.  
  
**00000000 Please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 000000000**


	15. 14 hours later and the plans in motion

**0000 Disclaimer=me no own 000000 Eee!!! Thanks for all the reviews!!!! I feel so loved! I'm sorry for not updating sooner but I have a good reason a)Have only just got on top of holiday homework from school and b) I just started my first job! :D Anyway continuing on with the story.....................00000  
**  
Trip had never felt such pain in all his life, every nerve ending was on fire, agonised screams were emitting from his mouth.  
  
The alien who'd come to measure him every two hours was now stood at the door watching him intently.  
  
"Spurt," the alien stated simply before exiting.  
  
Trip could hardly contain himself as his body went through another bout of spasms. All the while the baby was screaming it's lungs out, terrified by all the loud noise, and although Trip wanted to him he could hardly move or speak. Hope had risen inside him when the alien had come to the door, he wanted it to comfort the baby, take it out the room make it shut up, anything to stop those screams echoing in his pounding head.  
  
_**00000000 Enterprise 00000000**_  
  
"The ship's fully repaired," Hess reported. "Or at least I think it is, turns out they know nothing about their own technology."  
  
"Well let's hope it holds out," Archer acknowledged. "Phlox how far along will Trip be by now?"  
  
Phlox paused a moment before replying:  
  
"He'll be in the stages of puberty, around 13 or 14 years of age."  
  
"Puberty?" Fayla asked, speaking up from the corner in which she was sat.  
  
"It's what humans call the period of growth in which a child becomes and adult, during this time they're known as adolescence," Phlox explained.  
  
Fayla winced.  
  
Archer noticed the wince but decided to plod on.  
  
"Captain, as ordered we are a safe distance away from the enemy vessel," T'Pol put in, eyebrow raised. "However there is a 46% chance there is no vessel there."  
  
"OK, Jac'tir and Fayla will be with me in their ship, T'Pol you have control of the Enterprise, hang back out of range of their sensors be prepared for either a fast getaway or a fire fight. Phlox get Sickbay ready," Archer ordered.  
  
"We're going?!?" Jac'tir asked looking even greener than usual (if that were possible)  
  
"Yes."  
  
Jac'tir nodded but didn't look happy about it.

_**000000000 Jac'tir and Fayla's ship 00000000000**_  
  
"They can't detect your ship when it's cloaked can they?" Archer asked finally as Jac'tir inched the ship forward.  
  
Jac'tir shook his head seemingly not trusting himself to speak.  
  
"You can speed up you know," Fayla snapped.  
  
"Will you shut up woman and let me do my thing?!?!" Jac'tir exclaimed finally snapping.  
  
Fayla opened her mouth to say something cutting back but was silence by the look on Archer's face.  
  
"We're in range," Fayla reported.  
  
"Firing disruptors," said Jac'tir.  
  
The space outside the viewscreen suddenly fluctuated and a large vessel came into view.  
  
"Scanning for human lifesigns," Fayla said finally looking happy that she had something to do. "Got them!"  
  
"Beam them out," Archer ordered.  
  
"Fayla, just like we practised in training," said Jac'tir nervously.  
  
She nodded and waited.  
  
"On my mark," said Archer watching both to make sure they were ready. "NOW!"  
  
Archer trained his gaze on the back of the small vessel and watched as two figures began to materialize.  
  
"They've locked weapons!" Fayla yelled above the sudden noise.  
  
"Get us out of here!" Archer ordered.  
  
He watched in amazement as Jac'tir's fingers flew across the console performing some of the most complicated evasive manoeuvres he'd ever seen, however his need to check over his crewmembers took over his fascination. He turned back to Trip and Malcolm, both screaming at full bore, one in pain one in terror.  
  
"Cloaks back up," Fayla reported.  
  
The ship suddenly rocked violently sending Archer flying.  
  
"Jac'tir!" Fayla yelled.  
  
Another blast rocked the ship.  
  
"Shields are failing!"  
  
**000000 Please review! It helps, honestly!! 0000000**


	16. Six hours and he's growing up! sniff sni...

**0000 Disclaimerme no own 0000 I so many reviews! Thank you all for your kind comments even though the original version of this chapter was pants-to put it mildly. Still although the beginning is the same the ending is different, thanks again! 0000**

Fayla glanced to the back fearfully; Archer had stopped yelling at them and was now slumped against a wall out cold. Jac'tir took his eyes off the readouts for a second to quickly glance at what Fayla was staring at.

The little ship jerked violently and one of the consoles exploded.

"Shields have failed," Jac'tir whispered. "Engines are failing."

He turned back to Fayla now completely powerless.

"Fayla, I've never told you this before but...I love you! More than anything in the entire universe! My life without you would be like a broken pencil.........pointless!" he blurted out; Jac'tir grabbed hold of her and kissed her.

For a few seconds it was one of those hopelessly corny, romantic moments that almost always get included in romance films. A beautiful moment that would make the less romantically inclined throw up...............well, at least it was for a few seconds.

Till she punched him.

Then everything went dark. Very dark.

Fayla cursed loudly, she stared up at the viewscreen and watched with morbid fascination as the alien ship came about for its final shot. It was then she realised that the screams had stopped; she tore her eyes away from the screen just as the ship began to disappear around her.

_0000000 Six hours later0000000_

The first thing Trip registered some time later was that by some miracle, the incredible agony he'd experienced was gone. The violent shivers were still there but at least he wasn't in constant pain anymore-which was always a plus.

Briefly he wondered if he'd been sleeping but then realised the hours had melted into each other, completely indistinguishable from the next. He glanced around the room only to see two small aliens sat having a whispered argument, or more to the point the purple one was having a go at the green one for something or other.

Phlox's beaming face appeared in his line of vision.

"Congratulations Mr Tucker! You've made it through puberty," he said happily.

Trip merely blinked and stared confusedly at Phlox. Phlox for a second looked like he was going to launch into an explanation but was prevented from doing so by the appearance of Hoshi at the door.

"Hoshi," Phlox greeted her.

"Hello Doctor," she said, glancing over at Trip and smiling. "How are they?"

"As you can see, the Commander is progressing nicely and Mr Reed is currently with the Captain," Phlox told her. "I believe they're in the Captain's mess."

_0000_

"C'mon Malcolm," Archer wheedled, the spoon in his hand hovering an inch from Malcolm's face. "Look I promise you it tastes nice. Just have a bit..."

Malcolm merely stared at him his mouth clamped shut. Looking adorably sweet as all babies do even when they're puking all over your brand new clothes or screaming their lungs out at 3:00am.

"Captain, perhaps he isn't hungry," said T'Pol simply, watching this performance with a raised eyebrow. "He has been through a traumatic experience after all."

"He needs to eat-Phlox said so," Archer insisted. "You could always try it if you want."

T'Pol remained silent.

Archer turned his attention back to Malcolm who was currently trying to reach the knife on the table.

"C'mon Malcolm, this stuff is nice! Just open up," Archer tried inching the spoon closer; Malcolm batted the spoon away and started to cry. Again.

**0000 Ok, writers block has lessened so I re-did this chapter; hopefully it's better than the original!! But please review it and tell me! 0000**


	17. Final Insanity

**0000 Disclaimer me no own 0000 Well everyone should send their thanks to the Libran Iniquity for this chapter being up before 2020 and she should also be thanked for some of the more humorous lines later on! Go her! **

**Anyway, life, school, and chaos got in the way of all story updates. Mock exams should be burned in a ritual sacrifice! And the only reason this chapter is going up is because it's me birthday so I get the computer to myself for more than five minutes! So I hope you enjoy this-it's the final chapter! 0000 **

Soon after Hoshi discovered Malcolm spitting baby food all over Archer, Fayla and Jac'tir started the aging process-in fast forward naturally.

It worked a treat and went fairly smoothly except for Fayla subconsciously stabbing Jac'tir with something that looked suspiciously like a blunt needle. It appeared she still hadn't forgiven him for confessing his love for her only when he thought they were going to die. A fact that was confirmed when they were about to be returned to their home world, Archer could hear her shrill, accusing tone as she screamed:

"You couldn't tell me when we were cooped up in that hecken' pod for thirty hecken' days on end could ya you hecken' darveet! You just wanted to toy with my emotions, you, you, you user! How could you do that to me? And!! And what's even more hecken' unbelievable is that you had absolutely no intention of following it up once you realised we weren't dead!!!!!!!"

Mind you, he almost envied Jac'tir when he went down to sickbay, only to discover an adolescent Trip head-banging too……………….something unidentifiable. Standing there mouth hanging open Archer had a new found respect for the Tucker clan. He marvelled at how Phlox could be completely unaffected by the noise around him, walking up to him and smiling.

"Teenagers are fascinating aren't they?" he beamed.

Archer managed a smile.

"How's it been?"

"No problems, they've both been very well behaved," Phlox told him. "The commander seems to be enjoying himself doesn't he? It's been interesting to watch him interact with the female members of the crew."

Archer watched his friend a moment, grinning broadly; he could well imagine what Trip had been doing.

"What about Malcolm?" he asked, practically sighing with relief as the song ended.

"He's over there drawing some pictures," Phlox replied. "He's been slightly edgy about people being near him but the Commander got him settled."

Archer paused a moment and looked across at Malcolm. But he was distracted from further contemplation by music blaring out once again. He was going to have words with Trip about his taste in music when this was all over.

**0000**

The next two days passed by uneventfully. Well unless you count Trip's hormone driven antics in the mess hall and Malcolm's strange teenage obsession with a band called 'The Divine Comedy'. Phlox didn't mind the choice of music but Archer, on one of his many visits to sickbay had presented Malcolm with a CD player and headphones. Not that it actually helped of course-Malcolm just sang along to it and walking into sickbay hearing his armoury officer belting out:

"Mini skirts were in style, when she danced down the aisle, back in '63, but it's hard to get by, when your arse is the size of a small COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!"

Needless to say, it wasn't doing much for his sanity and neither was constantly separating Trip from the female population-but damn that boy had energy!

The entire crew (well mostly, some of the female members were rather disappointed upon hearing that Trip was no longer driven by hormones) were relieved when finally both officers emerged from sickbay fully grown once more. While Trip and Malcolm had been……………_fun_………..as children, there was only so many tantrums and impromptu food fights people could cope with in one go.

Especially food fights in the mess hall, the Laundry Staff nearly went on strike and even worse Chef nearly did too. Dirty clothes Archer could cope with-boil in the bag he could not.

Still, Phlox was happy, he'd spent a happy week viewing human behaviour from childhood right through to adulthood, practically witness human 'mating' rituals (or at least he would have, had Archer not stepped in looking absolutely mortified) and learn a whole range of curses and swear words from Malcolm who, during his teenage years was quite fond of arguing with everyone and anyone and even took down Trip in a fight (although to give Trip his due he didn't want to hurt him-or so he claimed anyway).

On the plus side, Archer had gotten to know Malcolm a whole lot more than he ever wanted to and even though the stain from the baby food wouldn't come off his uniform he was sure it was all for a good cause.

Or at least he prayed it was.

However upon returning to their normal selves they had very disjointed memories and Archer was not in any hurry to tell Malcolm he fed him or Trip that he walked in on him in a………… compromising position.

That brought about another matter-what to tell Starfleet? Archer sat at his desk for a long, long time pondering this matter.

_We safely returned Fayla and Jac'tir to their homeworld of 'Weebairns' but not before Fayla tried to kill Jac'tir with a needle………_

He erased it and tried again.

_After regressing to their childlike states, Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed started to throw food like there was no tomorrow……._

Maybe not.

_During their period of growth, Commander Tucker tried to chat up every female member of the crew and Lieutenant Reed introduced a whole new meaning to the words 'angry teenager'…………_

Archer paused. Maybe now was a bad time to write this report.

He got up and took Porthos on a walk. Halfway through he found Trip who gave him a winning smile before trying to walk in the opposite direction.

"Trip!" he said brightly. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"About what?"

Archer gave him his best smile and put his arm round his shoulders.

"About your extra-curricular activities and choice in music…………."

**0000**

"Hello Ensign."

Hoshi looked up from the pad she was reading and smiled.

"Hello Lieutenant, please sit down."

Malcolm slid into a chair and sat there stiffly, unable to look at her.

"Something I can help you with?" she asked brightly.

"I………I mean……..Phlox said……….that you………."

"Changed your nappy?" she prompted helpfully.

Malcolm went so red that for a split second she thought his face would explode.

"That's ok sir, I couldn't let the Captain look after you he had absolutely no idea," said Hoshi trying not to enjoy his discomfort but failing miserably.

"You mean? The captain did as well?" Malcolm choked.

"No, all he did with you was attempt to feed you," Hoshi told him. "And comment on your interesting taste in music. Who are the Divine Comedy anyway?"

Malcolm let out a strangled noise and didn't reply.

**0000 Well that's the end, might be an epilogue might not but anyway thoughts and opinions are welcomed! 0000**


	18. Epilogue:Of Nappies and HeadBangin'

**0000Disclaimer never owned this :P 0000 Huge thanks to TLI for help with this chapter, longer ramblings at the bottom, hope you enjoy! 0000 **

_To: BLaid, Jac'tir C_

_From: Central Officer_

_RE: Mission 2649MRTT2_

_Thank you for the suggestions you made to our plans of operation. We regret to inform you that no changes will be made to the current method of operation and that if any changes are enforced it will take 10 cycles for them to be put into practice. _

_Also your request for a transfer has been denied due to a lack of surviving mission runners. As I'm sure you will already know there have been many casualties as of late and your expertise in this particular field are too valuable to warrant placement anywhere else._

_The charges against your co-runner Cheiro, Fayla T on the grounds of hitting a superior officer have been dropped and classed on your records as been down to extreme circumstances. We are also pleased to hear of your upcoming wedding and wish you all the best for the future._

_Your next mission commences after a period of half a cycle of leave (as recommended by Central Command Psychiatrist Menlat, Brina I, post psychiatric evaluation) _

_Unfortunately we have also found major repairs that will need to be fixed on your Flight Runner, as you know half of the cost will be taken out of your wage to compensate for this._

_As well as this we stress the need for you to remain silent concerning the nature of your last mission as it would cause undue stress and worry to the population._

_However, the information you gathered during this mission was both informative and highly useful and you will receive a small bonus for your services._

_Yours Sincerely_

_Central Command_

0000

It was hard to ignore the fact that the level of gossip had increased tenfold across the ship but Malcolm did his best. However even with the best of intentions he couldn't look Archer or Hoshi in the face.

Neither one of them could remember exactly what had happened but felt they knew everything after Travis in an almost gleeful way recapped the past events for them. What he didn't know he embellished with his own version of what happened from what others had said.

Frankly, it was mortifying on a level of total humiliation.

Malcolm, who had spent his entire Starfleet career carefully carving out a serious and responsible persona for himself now found that, thanks to his dubious upbringing and somewhat rebellious nature, his 'wild child' years of growing up had been on display for the entire crew to see. It made things very difficult when it came to reprimanding crew members and being struck with the realisation that the whole time he was speaking they just had visions of him head-banging to the Divine Comedy, randomly swearing at people and throwing the odd tantrum.

However, that he could deal with, Hoshi changing his nappies when he was younger was a whole other kettle of fish. Of course women in the past had seen his……………nether regions but they hadn't been changing his nappies. Of course his mother had changed his nappies but he liked to imagine she had her eyes closed while she was doing it.

Trip wasn't really helpful. He actually found the whole situation fairly amusing.

"It could've been worse," he said. "It could've been the Cap'n!"

Trip burst into laughter and Malcolm shot him a murderous look.

"At least I didn't try and score with every female member of the crew!" Malcolm retorted annoyed. "Sir."

Trip stopped laughing and scowled.

"I did not try and score with every female member of the crew," he said. "Some of them were busy changing your diapers!"

"Ah humour! Get some," Malcolm snapped finally reaching the end of his tether.

"Anyway Malcolm, I've been meaning to ask," Trip continued smiling at his discomfort and ignoring his previous statement. "Who in the hell are the Divine Comedy?"

Malcolm scowled and resumed his murderous expression.

"They're a band I happened to enjoy listening to during my teens," he said dismissively.

"I never imagined you as the head-banging type Loo-tenant."

"I never imagined you as a promiscuous teenager either Commander." There was a pause. "Actually I take that back, I did."

Trip snorted. "I'll have you know I'm a one woman kinda guy."

"I believe you. Many wouldn't but I do."

Trip eyed Malcolm suspiciously. Malcolm merely stared back at him.

"It really bothers you doesn't it? Everyone seeing ya as a kid."

Malcolm didn't reply and frowned again.

"I wouldn't worry, they'll forget eventually," Trip tried to comfort him.

Malcolm gave a snort of disbelief.

"Ok so maybe they wont," Trip conceded. "But they'll get fed up of it."

00 Seven Years Later 00

Malcolm held the tiny baby in his arms completely ignorant to the rest of the world.

"Hey Mal, ya gonna let the rest of us see?" Trip teased.

"You can see," Malcolm shot back. "Last time I checked you look with your eyes not your hands."

"Play nice Malcolm," said Hoshi taking their son off him.

Trip laughed and Travis came to see the baby.

"Hey Hoshi!" Travis said brightly. "You'll have someone else's diapers to change now!"

Hoshi smiled and tried hard not to laugh at the expression on Malcolm's face, however to her surprise Malcolm took a deep breath and answered:

"Actually, Hoshi and I had a discussion and we both agreed it wouldn't do for Starfleet Captain to not be potty trained," he told him seriously. "Plus the nappy ruined the smooth line of my uniform."

Trip nodded laughing.

"I told you they never forget," Malcolm muttered to him.

Trip grinned. "Yeah, but on the plus side it's only taken you seven years to think of a good come back."

**0000 Well that's it, it's over. I could cry and say what a lot of fun I've had with this (that originally was only 8 chapters!!) and I have. But I'd like to thank the following people for reviewing and being magical and wonderful with putting up with my snail like updating ability :P. So ladies and gentlemen lets have around of applause for:**

**The Libran Iniquity (YOU FANTASTIC PERSON YOU!) , Pegasusflight , Edel, The Watch Stander, Flying Purple Pig, Gene, Jazzy, KaliedescopeCat, Phaser Lady, Wildcat, Ashti, Luna, Ocean, Melly, joslin, Orion9, jen, weegie, Anita, Soultoast, Southern Trip, Jacqui Simon, maraschino, Chianna, Katie, Gizzi1213, Captain Crash, Alison, Cha Oseye Tempest Thrain (Thank you!) Dyslexic Moaner, Mike, Wolfa Moon, jen171, anna, malcolmsluv, angharad, A.Winsor, mini, Thomasina, Drakcir, wuemsel, Reedie, Reticulation, paleoloca, Insane Elven Pirate, cryogenie, cillian4, pipper-noiter, Emiliana Keladry, gia, jaws, PJ in NH, scully, biomess, Rinne, Jazri, Julie, Gabi2305, Lachlan, stage manager, G.Eliot, Elizabeth Annette, ChRsTiNe17, Lieutenants-lady, Heather Martin, MuseUrania. **

**I'd do a musical number for ya but you'd run away screaming, so thanks again and remember-MAY THE SKIVVIES BE WITH YOU! 0000**


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